Who’s Behind Foster’s Grants?

February 10th, 2012

Inspired by Rick Santorum‘s introduction by billionaire Foster Friess at CPAC today.


“There’s a little bar a couple doors down. Recently, a conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walked into the bar, and the bartender said: ‘Hi Mitt.’” — billionaire Foster Friess, Rick Santorum’s main super PAC funder, introducing Santorum at CPAC today.


It’s fitting that billionaire Foster Friess introduced Santorum at CPAC today,

Since Foster’s the one letting Rick with the big dogs play.


He’s the one funneling Santorum those Benjamins and Grants

Without which Santorum wouldn’t have a chance.


Before he the assembled conservative faithful addressed,

Foster donned Rick’s patented sweater vest.


But that sartorial act is misleading

About who’s following and who’s leading.


(The super-rich donor is no buffoon:

He who pays the piper calls the tune).


Thanks to Citizens United, campaigns now just need one big donor

Who subsequently becomes the candidate’s owner.


The candidates themselves are expendable

If they lose or aren’t dependable.


But to folks like Foster, it doesn’t matter who’s behind his Grants,

As long as his money democracy (and Democrats) supplants.


(And Foster: those underlings who tell you you’re funny?

They only say that because you give them money.)


Here’s Foster’s intro.

Here’s Foster immediately after Santorum’s speech on Jansing. Ah, would it were true that Dem millionaires and billionaires have more money and are more politically committed than Republican ones.

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Here’s the inspiration for our title, this 1978 vintage Foster-Grant commercial.


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