Wayward Hayward (or, Now You Have Your Life Back)

June 19th, 2010

Inspired by Tony Hayward Fired As Director of Oil Spill (Wonkette 6/18/10) and the MSNBC reports below.

Poor Tony Wayward is being shown the door,

So we won’t have him to kick around any more.

It’s hard to imagine Tony as a major company’s CEO,

Given all the things he can’t remember or doesn’t know.

Tony said he couldn’t remember or didn’t know 77 times.

How is it someone with such a bad memory up the corporate ladder climbs?

He also doesn’t seem to have ever made a decision,

Though that’s something that he can’t remember with precision.

He reminds me of the guy in Memento with anterograde amnesia.

Before the hearing, did BP give him a dose of anesthesia?

Sometimes forgetfulness can be a blessing

(For one, it’s a lot easier than confessing).

Tony, maybe now you’ll get your life back

(At least your statements won’t be subject to constant attack).

I’ll miss how you used to smile at the camera with that boyish grin,

Your eyes darting around as you tried to impart your spin.

I’ll miss how you caused that commotion

When you said the spill was tiny compared to the vast ocean.

I’ll miss your random statements

And periodic mis-statements.

Before, I did blame you, I must confess,

And I’m sorry if that caused you stress.

But back then I didn’t understand

That you didn’t see, do, or decide anything firsthand.

Now that you’re leaving, lets part as friends

(I admit that $20 billion helps make amends).

So Tony, though we may not see you again,

I hope you won’t forget us… again.


Here’s Hardball’s 6/17/10 report on Tony Wayward’s testimony on the Hill, with commentary by Chris Matthews.

Sorry, I mixed my video clips up. That was a scene from the movie Memento, about a guy that can’t remember anything, with commentary by movie critics Ebert and Roeper (also check out the book Making of Memento, which includes the short story the film is based on, written by director Christopher Nolan’s little brother). Here’s Tony’s testimony (it would have been more interesting if he’d used the notes-on-body technique to remind himself of things).

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

And here are Rachel Maddow’s and Countdown’s 6/18/10 reports about Hayward’s firing (well, from Gulf operations anyway). Will the GOP apologize to him for that too?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s your theme music for today, Don’t Forget To Remember by Puressence.

Finally, here’s a hilarious (faux) BP version of the Doobie BrothersBlack Water, featuring our friend Tony and company.

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2 Responses to “Wayward Hayward (or, Now You Have Your Life Back)”

  1. Paul Solomon Says:

    Thanks for keeping me up to date

    On CEO Tony Hayward’s fate.

  2. Newsericks Says:

    Very clever– I love it.

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