The Ryan/Bin Laden Plan

May 4th, 2011

Inspired by the eerie similarity between Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan and Osama Bin Laden’s approach to neighborhood children.

“When local children playing football nearby kicked [their soccer balls] over the wall, the people in the compound just gave them money and told them to go and buy another ball rather than let them come in and search.” – news report on Osama Bin Laden’s soccer ball premium support system


When kids kicked a soccer ball into Bin Laden’s yard,

You’d think having someone kick it back out wouldn’t be so hard.

The kids started out with a ball, so why not just give it back.

(It’s not like that would trigger a Special Forces attack.)

Instead, Bin Laden used the approach adopted by Paul,

Providing an unspecified cash payment in lieu of the ball.

And if the cash payment wasn’t enough?

Sorry kids, but that’s just tough.

(Bin Laden never liked those kids anyway,

And took perverse pleasure in taking their soccer balls away.)

Not that I’m suggested that the two of them directly conspired,

But who knew Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan was Bin Laden inspired?

Or, it could have been the other way around,

With Bin Laden drawing on Ryan’s techniques, soccer balls to impound.

Either way, it shows Paul Ryan and Bin Laden have a lot in common

(E.g., for both Republicans and terrorists, taking hostages is common).

Both groups will do anything in pursuit of their extremist ideals,

As the Bush tax cut extension battle plainly reveals.

Not that I’m saying the only way, Republican extremism to fix

Is to send in SEAL Team Six


Here’s Jon Stewart’s 5/03/11 report on the Pakistani intelligence agency’s failure to locate Bin Laden in their own country. The clip about the school children playing soccer is at the 4”24 mark.

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