The Demon Barber of Tea Street

June 15th, 2010

Inspired by Alabama Congressional candidate Rick Barber’s ad (watch it below) calling for abolition of the income tax, repeal of the individual mandate, elimination of regulations, impeachment of President Obama, and if necessary, armed rebellion against the government.

“These are desperate times. Desperate measures are called for.” – the titular Demon Barber in Sweeny Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Desperate times require desperate measures,

For which we pledge our honor, lives, and treasures.

Such was the pledge that America’s Founding Fathers made,

Which you now take up with your own rebellious crusade.

You’ve already lost your honor, for what is was worth,

By advocating rebellion against the nation that gave you birth.

You pledge your life and the lives of others

If impeachment is “not enough” to enact your political druthers.

No need to pledge your fortune, since you’ve got campaign donors

(Black helicopter militiamen and assault rifle owners).

Never mind that George Washington would have strongly opposed

The anti-tax rebellion you have proposed.

He crushed the very kind of armed rebellion you suggested.

If he were President today, he’d have you arrested.

Washington himself also proposed the first federal tax

Which the aforementioned armed rebels wanted to ax.

He would not agreed with either your goal or your means,

And would condemn you for besmirching the honor of the Marines.

How in your mind, Mr. Barber, does this story end?

Will you take up arms your minority views to “defend”?

Will you support McVeigh-like terrorist attacks

If the government makes you pay your income tax?

And after you’ve completed your Constitutional restoration,

Will Johnny Depp play you in the movie adaptation?

As the clip below shows, he’s adept at portraying the unhinged

Who are convinced that their rights have been infringed.

I understand you disagree with Obama’s policies,

But that sometimes happens in democracies.

Something isn’t unconstitutional just because of your dislike,

Nor does that mean America is now the Third Reich.

You, Mr. Barber, belong in an institution.

And God forbid someone even crazier takes up your call for violent revolution.


Here’s Countdown’s 6/14/10 “Worst Persons” report on Rick Barber.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s Hardball’s 6/14/10 report.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s the movie movie trailer (also check out the libretto and CD from the original Broadway musical) which partially inspired our title, Sweeny Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. (Listen for the “desperate measures” comment.)

Here’s your theme music for today, the song Epiphany (also from Sweeny Todd). Does this describe your epiphany as well, Mr. Barber?

Here’s Rick Barber’s full “Gather Your Armies” ad. Funny how he shares both title and temperment with his operatic namesake. “I’m insane and I approved this message.”

For more background, read Rick Barber Is The Latest Alabama Candidate To Become A YouTube Lunatic (Huffington Post 6/14/10), ‘Gather your armies’ ( 6/14/10), and President Washington Would Have Squashed Rick Barber Like a Grape (Huffington Post 6/15/10). Also check out the highly-rated (and bargain-priced) book quoted above, Founding Father by Richard Brookhiser and the aforementioned The Whiskey Rebellion: George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, and the Frontier Rebels Who Challenged America’s Newfound Sovereignty by William Hogeland.

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3 Responses to “The Demon Barber of Tea Street”

  1. Newsericks » Blog Archive » The Demon Barber is Back Says:

    […] follow-up to our earlier post, The Demon Barber of Tea Street, inspired by Alabama Congressional candidate Rick Barber’s second ad in which he talks about […]

  2. Newsericks » Blog Archive » Felonial Williamsburg Says:

    […] Father of Our Country would never countenance such […]

  3. Newsericks » Blog Archive » Dallas Plus 47 Says:

    […] The Demon Barber of Tea Street […]

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