Textbook Chainsaw Massacre (or, Don’t Mess With Textbooks)

March 17th, 2010

Inspired by Texas Education Board Approves Conservative Curriculum Changes By Far-Right (Huffington Post 3/12/10) and Texas Textbook Massacre: ‘Ultraconservatives’ Approve Radical Changes To State Education Curriculum (Huffington Post 3/13/10). And kudos to the Huffington Post for the excellent title.

“We have been about conservatism versus liberalism. We have manipulated strands to insert what we want it to be in the document, regardless as to whether or not it’s appropriate.” – Dallas Democrat Mavis Knight, who voted against the standards (HuffPost 3/12/10)

The Far Right didn’t like the Texas curriculum

(It didn’t agree with their own home school hokum),

So they decided to take a chainsaw to it

(Some Texans were starting to get more liberal, so someone had to do it).

Don’t like Thomas Jefferson’s excessively liberal views?

Replace him with someone who to your puritanical belief system hews.

Don’t like the separation of Church and State?

Then don’t teach the parts of the Constitution that religious freedoms create.

(Of course, efforts the Bill of Rights to circumvent

Don’t apply to the Second Amendment.)

And if you want a simple solution to our economic malaise,

Lets go back to the good old gold standard days.

Make sure to exclude mention of hip hop as a significant cultural movement

(God forbid “those people” would have a chance to represent).

And be sure to add the misrepresentation

That America is a Christian nation.

Tejanos fought and died with Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie at the Alamo,

But that’s something future Texan students won’t know.

So what if the Board’s version from actual history departs:

Remember the Alamo” (just not the Tejano parts).

(If they keep this up, the role of Hispanics in American history

For future generations of Texans will remain a mystery.)

The Board deleted a requirement that students “explain how institutional racism is evident in American society”

(I guess that caused conservative Board members anxiety).

Did you know Martin Luther King Jr. was white?

(No, they didn’t actually put that in, but who knows — they might.)

The Board’s 5 Dems opposed, but the GOP had more:

The 10 Republicans voted unanimously for.

The final vote is expected in May.

(Sign this petition if you’d like to have a say.)

…After which the Texas Board of Education

Will be renamed the Texas Board of Misinformation.


Here’s Hardball’s 3/17/10 report. I thought Cynthia Dunbar from the Texas Board of Education actually did a good job explaining her position (and making it sound reasonable). That’s one thing I like about Chris Matthews: he doesn’t stack the deck with conservative patsies that he can easily discredit (or that discredit themselves), and he lets them say their piece, both of which approaches are unlike a certain conservative network which I won’t name.


Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s Stephen Colbert’s 3/16/10 report.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
I’s on Edjukashun – Texas School Board
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Here’s Jon Stewart’s 3/17/10 report.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Don’t Mess With Textbooks
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Here’s my favorite scene from the movie Alamo (not approved by the Texas Board of Misinformation because of the inclusion of Tejanos). “It’s amazing what a little harmony will do.”


And here’s your theme music, Stupid Texas Song by the Austin Lounge Lizards.


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One Response to “Textbook Chainsaw Massacre (or, Don’t Mess With Textbooks)”

  1. Newsericks » Blog Archive » Making (Up) History Says:

    […] Except, of course, in Texas schools, […]

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