Posts Tagged ‘Monkeys’

Monkey Terrorists

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

A follow-up to our earlier monkey-related post, Fox News reports yet another fake news story designed to scare its viewers.

“Get your hands off me, you damn dirty apes.” – then-NRA president Charlton Heston at a press conference, protesting the lamestream media/liberal/socio-fascist/simian plot to take away Americans’ guns, thus making us vulnerable to monkey terrorist attacks (watch the video clip below)


Yet another fake story from the right wing noise machine

About a deadly terrorist threat, previously unforeseen.


Islamo-fascist terrorist groups

Are training monkeys to attack US troops.


They’re teaching the monkeys to shoot the AK 47,

And that if they’re killed they go straight to terrorist monkey heaven.


Should we use the same tactic in Afghanistan applied,

Offering the monkeys more bananas to come over to the US side?


Or maybe the threat isn’t as great as it appears,

And Fox is just using this story to stoke viewer fears.


Monkey terrorists, Fox News?

I guess anything goes that to your narrative hews.


The story’s source was the Chinese press,

And it didn’t occur to you its seriousness to reassess?


(Gretchen seemed very concerned

When she about the new monkey threat learned.)


What’s next: attacking Obama because he hasn’t taken action yet

To train monkey counter-insurgents to meet the monkey terrorist threat?


PS: As a backup, the monkeys can also fling poop globs,

Which also qualifies them for Fox News anchor jobs.


Here’s Stephen Colbert’s 8/04/10 report, including footage from the Fox News report.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Threat StandDown – Monkey Terrorism
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Here’s a Youtube parody of the Fox report, including the full Fox News report (starring Gretchen Carlson, who sure seems serious), a CNN report on the subject (they don’t fall for it), and the “get your hands off me” clip.

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