The Candidates Debate

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

Here’s my live (rhyming) report on the GOP debate, updated afterwards with the links and video.

 

8:05

Perry says Texas is his model, in spite of it’s low wages and high unemployment

(Or maybe that’s exactly what’s responsible for his enjoyment).

 

8:10

Romney defends his record in Massachusetts and at Bain

And Michele Bachmann proves once again that she’s insane.

 

8:15

Herman Cain proposes a plan that the tax code redefines,

Replacing the whole mess with just three 9s.

The other candidates see the plan upside down and began to panic,

Realizing their fellow Republican has gone satanic.

(That indeed is the Mark of Cain—

If 10% is good enough for God, why does he show it such disdain?)

 

8:20

Gingrich adds a new twist to the old Republican refrain:

Obama should seek economic policy advice from Herman Cain.

 

8:25

Rick Perry says it’s the feds’ fault Texas is last in healthcare

And there are so many uninsured people there.

(In Perry’s defense,

What he says makes no sense.)

 

8:40

Ron Paul says everything’s a mandate which the government imposes,

And which he therefore completely opposes.

Plus, he’ll get you a gallon of gas for a dime,

If he can only eliminate inflation by going back in time.

 

8:50

Rick Perry repeats his line “Social Security is a Ponzi scheme.”

(Now there’s a guy who isn’t afraid to be extreme.)

 

8:55

Romney, attempting to burnish his states rights purity,

Says states should be free to opt out of Social Security.

 

9:00

Santorum reads Perry the riot act on mandatory HPV vaccination

Which he says is what he’d expect from the Obama Administration.

 

9:05

Huntsman says with his characteristic smirk

That it’s finally time to talk about putting people back to work.

Everyone else then completely ignored him

(Perry looked like the discussion bored him.)

 

How can Texas keep growing if it’s last in education?

Perry says they’re working hard to become second worst in the nation.

 

9:15

Bachmann says immigrants should have to learn the Constitution.

(That would help them resist GOP persecution.)

 

9:30

Huntsman said America’s confidence has been shattered

And the American Dream badly battered.

 

9:35

Perry said Obama has proven that Keynesianism is done.

(If he’s elected, the next Depression sure will be fun.)

 

Michele Bachmann’s worried Libyan rebels will form a global caliphate

And thinks letting Gaddafi kill them all would have been great.

 

9:40

Perry thinks he’s Galileo on global warming

(His knowledge of the history of science needs informing).

If he’d been Governor back in that time

He’d have burned Galileo at the stake for his heretical crime.

Perry says we should “find out what the science truly is”

(I’m pretty confident that it won’t end up being his).

 

Bachmann criticizes science’s politicization

(Of course that will never happen in her administration).

 

9:45

Everybody wants to fire Ben Bernanke,

But explaining why would be a little too wonky.

They say the Fed’s inflating, even though inflation’s near zero.

Instead of their scapegoat, Bernanke should be their hero.

 

Perry’s 234 executions got a big round of applause.

(I guess the GOP base wants nationwide anti-life laws.)

 

9:50

Brian Williams says goodnight and the debate is done.

Almost two hours of Republican ideas—wasn’t that fun?

***

Here’s MSNBC’s post-debate analysis.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s the full debate.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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Tags: 2012 election, Bain, Ben Bernanke, Climate change, Economy, Elections, Federal Reserve, Herman Cain, jobs, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Obama, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Science, Texas
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