Stool Sample

February 12th, 2011

Inspired by Bachmann kicks off CPAC with call for conservatives to unify ( 2/10/11), CPAC gets underway on wave of midterm momentum (Washington Post 2/11/11), and At conservative gathering, Egypt is an afterthought (Washington Post 2/12/11; so much for the “national security” part of the stool).

“I believe in the three-legged stool.” – Michele Bachmann at CPAC, citing Reagan’s iconic conservative troika of social, fiscal, and national security issues

Michele Bachmann has helpfully provided a sample of “conservative” stool,

Which bears careful examination (though I don’t generally like to do that, as a rule).

The first piece of the stool is “social” (the culture war),

Which we’ve heard from Michele many times before.

Fighting the culture war is easy to do—

Just hate everyone that’s different than you.

Number two is fiscal restraint,

Dems’ lack of which is a constant Tea Party complaint.

But now that they’ve got a chance to actually cut spending,

It turns out they were (mostly) just pretending.

The third piece of the stool is national security,

But alas, here too Teabaggers show little maturity.

Their judgment is too clouded by hatred and fear

To allow them to think and speak clear.

Put those three together and you’ve got quite a pile–

Policy making, Tea Party style.

This kind of crap is what the Tea Party’s all about,

So when Teabaggers gather, that’s what comes out.

Teabaggers can’t get enough of it,

And Michele Bachmann, God bless her, is full of it.

What comes out of her is always surprising

(No wonder she’s a leader of the Know Nothing uprising).

So thank you, Michele, for providing your sample.

It was, as always, more than ample.

But no matter how much your listeners clap,

It’s all still just one giant piece of crap.

Is this really what the Tea Party thinks?

Sorry Michele, but your stool



Here’s Michele Bachmann’s 2/10/11 CPAC speech. Thank you, Michele, for explaining the difference between millions, billions, and trillions (that’s at the beginning of part 2).

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