Something Wicked That Way Goes

April 7th, 2011

Inspired by Beck to leave Fox News: Host agrees to end his show after a two-year run and Dana Milbank’s Fox is dropping Beck (It’s probably a conspiracy) (Washington Post 4/07/11). And in honor of his 27 weeks on Fox News, check out my 27 poems (see the list below) about Glenn.

“I took the job two years ago because I thought I had something important to share. I really thought that if I could prove my case that something wicked this way was coming, something in America was wrong, America would listen… You know what I believe is coming.” – Glenn Beck last night announcing his departure


Glenn Beck is making a “transition”

(One not really of his own decision).

But he wasn’t squeezed out by some liberal media scheme

Or an attack on free speech by the totalitarian Obama regime.

“On a grim and gusty October day, two young boys encounter a distressed man who foretells of danger blowing their way. Soon after, the town is visited by a seductive stranger named Mr. Dark and his Pandemonium Carnival. Terrifying things begin to happen when the adventurous boys stumble onto the carnival’s deadly and destructive secret… [T]he handsome but demonic proprietor of Dark’s Pandemonium Carnival preys upon the vanities, the delusions, and the regrets of the townspeople by granting their wishes at the expense of their souls.” – Something Wicked This Way Comes movie description


The only one at fault was Glenn himself

And his beloved free market system itself.

As his sanity became increasingly suspect,

His viewers and advertisers started to defect.

“We are the hungry ones. Your torments call us like dogs in the night, and we do feed… and feed well.” — Mr. Dark in Something Wicked This Way Comes


For two years, Glenn preyed on and fed his fans’ delusions,

While pretending to let them reach their own conclusions.

He reveled in creating political pandemonium–

Fun, but for advertisers, business plutonium.

“This is a good development for the American media. Glenn Beck was such an ugly and hateful voice on the air that it’s good for everyone.” — Media Matters executive vice president Ari Rabin-Havt


With Egypt, Glenn’s carnival of conspiracy went around the bend

(Nobody wants to buy things when the world’s coming to an end).

So with viewers and advertisers abandoning Mr. Dark,

Fox and he decided it was time, on a new journey to embark.

O well done! I commend your pains;
And every one shall share i’ the gains;
And now about the cauldron sing,
Live elves and fairies in a ring
Enchanting all that you put in.
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
 — Macbeth Act 4 Scene 1

Yes Glenn, America listened, for a while,

Until you kept on getting increasingly hostile.

But like Glenn says, his most avid fans will still be able to “connect,”

So I guess America isn’t completely through being Glenn Becked.


Here’s your theme song from the Something Wicked This Way Comes soundtrack.

Here’s The Last Word’s 4/06/11 breaking news report on Glenn’s departure, including Glenn’s statement of belief that “something wicked this way comes,” followed by the trailer for that movie.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s Stephen Colbert’s 4/04/11 report presaging Glenn’s departure.

Here’s Jon Stewart’s 4/07/11 report on Glenn’s transition and the attendant mockery.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Intro – Jon Tells the Truth While Wearing Glasses
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Glenn Beck Announces His Departure
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

Here’s Glenn’s full farewell speech.

Glenn should be thankful that his network bosses didn’t adopt the same tactic used to get rid of Glenn’s soulmate Howard Beale in Network when his ratings fell.

And in honor of Glenn’s 27 months as God’s messenger, here are 27 poems

about The Man Himself.

Does Obama Hate His Mama?

7/30/09 10:29

America Glenn Becked

9/13/09 23:00

What Rhymes with Glenn Beck?

9/19/09 23:00

A Deadly Epidemic

11/14/09 23:45

Unfair and Unbalanced

11/17/09 13:00

Proof that Glenn Beck is in League with Satan

11/24/09 06:06:06

Glenn’s Gold (or, All Is Not Gold That Embitters)

12/16/09 23:45

Analyze This (or, Professor Beck’s History Lesson)

2/21/10 23:30


2/25/10 23:30

Heil Jesus? (or National Socialist Justice)

3/12/10 23:45

Progressives Are Evil (or, Long Live the Anti-Beck)

3/19/10 08:00

Making (Up) History

3/23/10 22:00

Glenn’s Magic Blackboard

3/27/10 21:20

Glenn’s Greater Power

4/25/10 21:07

Son of Pat

5/01/10 18:30

Losing Your Religion

5/08/10 15:00

Glenn’s Favorite Ism

5/09/10 14:36


5/18/10 23:45

Death to Dictators (or, Is Glenn Beck Suggesting Obama’s Assassination?)

5/25/10 10:52

Rise of the Old Right (or, No Bad Idea Ever Really Dies)

6/17/10 23:30

Rising Tides of Blood

7/28/10 23:30

When Nature (or Glenn Beck) Calls

8/27/10 22:00

Walk Left, Stand Right

8/28/10 23:30

Restoring Honor

8/29/10 23:30

Inception (or: Your Mind is the Scene of the Crime)

12/20/10 23:30

Pro-Israel (For Now)

2/02/11 14:30

The Coming Caliphate? (or: Don’t Listen to Glenn Beck)

2/02/11 23:30

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