Reading Gingrich (or: Sweet Land of Literary… Profits)

September 30th, 2011

Inspired by Callista Gingrich, children’s author: Political VIPs can sell books, but can they write them? ( 9/29/11), Gingrich stumps for book sales (The Hill 6/24/11), and On stump, Newt Gingrich bolsters his brand (Sandhya Somashekhar, Washington Post 9/30/11) and Callista Gingrich’s new book Sweet Land of Liberty.

“Finally, I’d like to thank my husband Newt. His enthusiasm for Ellis the Elephant and Sweet Land of Liberty has been my true inspiration.” – Callista Gingrich


The new Gingrich book is great

For Republicans who reading hate.

But this one wasn’t one of the many written by Newt,

Some of which require readers more astute.


This one was written by Newt’s current wife

About the historic glory of American life.

Ellis the Elephant guides us through our history unfurled,

Explaining why Americais the greatest country in the world.


Pictures illustrate that and the standard Gingrichian theme:

Buy our books and vote Republican for the American Dream.

(If you don’t get yours, at least you helped the Gingriches get theirs

By making them appearance-fee and book-sale millionaires.)


That’s why Newt’s so enthusiastic about this new income stream,

To promote during his pretend presidential book-selling scheme.

(Whenever he speaks, he gives it a plug

Since he needs money to dig out of the debt hole he dug.)


While the book purportedly targets the pre-pubescent,

It’s perfect for anyone who finds reading unpleasant

(Especially those whose intellectual attainment

Predisposes them to infotainment).


So if you, like many Republicans, don’t like to read,

Here’s a way for you from Newt’s tendious tedium to be freed.

Callista’s book is much shorter than Newt’s many tomes,

Which might be why the latter aren’t found in many GOP homes.


So if you don’t want to read Newt, just read Callista instead,

And you’ll be able to honestly say you a Gingrich book read.

Not only that, you’ll support the great Gingrich cause–

Maximizing book sales before Newt withdraws.


Here’s your theme song, My Country Tis of Thee, as performed by Aretha Franklin at President Obama’s inauguration.  Buy it from our Amazon store, or click on the links below to download it for free with the Real SuperPass and/or Napster free trial offers. What, you think I’m being too transparently commercial, trying to make money with blatant appeals to patriotism? Hey, if Newt can do it, why can’t I?

Here’s Gingrich on Fox in June hawking one of his books, as he does at virtually every public and campaign appearance.

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One Response to “Reading Gingrich (or: Sweet Land of Literary… Profits)”

  1. Maria Says:

    Callista Gingrich, who recently cetrbealed her 45th birthday, married former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich on August 18, 2000. They were wed after a relationship that began in 1993 while Newt was still wed to his second wife. A video of herself and her husband discussing the legacy of Ronald Reagan follows. This is an example of one of those sudden changes of subject in the middle of a paragraph, that can have a comic effect.A paragraph is supposed to stick to one idea. Here’s Newt’s wife, whom he started screwing while he was still married to his former wife. Now a video of them discussing Ronald Reagan’s legacy. Gee. I never realized what a bad influence Ronnie was.Then again .

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