Murray Hill

March 13th, 2010

Inspired by Campaign stunt launches a corporate ‘candidate’ for Congress (Washington Post 3/13/10). 

“Until now, corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence-peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.” – Murray Hill Inc. press release
The firm “wanted to run as a Republican because we feel the Republican Party is more receptive to our basic message that corporations are people, too.” — Murray Hill campaign manager Bill Klein, promising a spirited campaign that “puts people second, or even third.”
“Vote for Murray Hill Incorporated for Congress — for the best democracy money can buy.” – Murray Hill slogan

Congratulations, Murray Hill, on your brilliant idea—

It could be the new corporate contribution panacea!

I’m talking about a panacea for corporations, of course,

Who now won’t have to bother, a human candidate to endorse.

But while it’s great for the businessperson,

For the American public, the situation might worsen.

(But then again, maybe not,

Since what you propose is what we’ve already got.)

With your Facebook page with 2600 fans

You may be throwing a wrench into Republican politicians’ plans.

They’ve long seen their role as advocating the corporate position,

And now you’re giving them some competition.

Regarding the problem that Murray Hill isn’t 18 years old,

I have a solution, if I may be so bold:

Find a corporation that is old enough

(With all of them out there that shouldn’t be too tough).

This doesn’t mean that Murray Hill would have to drop out,

They’d just have to take a slightly different route.

It wouldn’t be hard (on the contrary)–

Murray Hill Inc. would just have to buy a subsidiary.

Given the Montgomery County Board of Elections’ insistence,

MHI just needs to find a company that’s been in existence

For the Board’s required 18 years of age

The Board’s requirement to assuage.

And since the Constitution requires Congressmen to be at least 25,

MHI needs to find a corporation that in the early eighties was alive.

Then they’d just buy that company’s stock,

And the rest of the election would be a lock.

(In fact, any foreign corporation could also do the same,

Since you have to be an American corporate citizen only in name.)

Just think of all the benefits

That corporate representation admits.

Corporate representatives wouldn’t have families

To distract them from their corporate duties.

Corporate representatives wouldn’t grow old or tire,

So they’d never have to retire.

And corporate representatives don’t have sex,

Which has become the main reason politicians become ex.

This approach also solves the problem of human politicians becoming infirm

Or dying before expiration of their term.

In the old days, we had to hold a special election,

Or the governor had to make a replacement’s selection.

Now, the system will work much better:

Just incorporate, and your new representative can live forever.

Also, representatives won’t need to bother with a separate campaign account:

With incorporation, the politician and the fund would to the same thing amount.

And finally, as Massachusetts Teabaggers know first hand,

Donors would never be betrayed when their representative didn’t turn out as planned.

Such situations could easily be dispensed

By writing into the corporation’s charter what it was for or against.

(Of course the Teabaggers might figure out

That representing them wasn’t what Murray Hill Inc. is about.

But with the GOP they haven’t made that realization,

So they probably wouldn’t with a corporation.)

Then again, why go to all that hassle,

When the GOP does all this already (for example you, Mike Castle).

Why go to all this trouble

To create what amounts to a GOP double?


Here’s Murray Hill’s online ad.

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One Response to “Murray Hill”

  1. Oytun Says:

    Wow, Murray has really creackd the code on how to win as a Republican in the 8th wait to the last month to get his campaign in gear, alienate half the GOP base with childish attacks and lay it on heavy with the social conservative issues. Really gonna attract independents and dis-affected independents with that plan, guy.What really made me laugh was knocking on Matthew Berry as a career bureaucrat. Hmm, how many folks in the 8th do we think work for the government? Nothing like dissing your constituents.Yup, this guy shows real leadership potential. Maybe that’s why the Army assigned him as a chairborne ranger on the wine and cheese circuit since he was a captain.Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Patrick

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