Mittie the Moocher

September 18th, 2012

A follow-up to Contempt, inspired by the truth behind Mitt Romney’s assertion that the 47% of Americans that don’t pay federal income taxes are freeloading moochers (read this Washington Post Fact Check and this Wonkblog article for more). And speaking of Mittie the Moocher, be sure to listen to the song, and check out our alternate lyrics below.

 

 

“There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax…And so my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.” – Mitt Romney in leaked fundraising meeting video

 

 

 

Dear Mitt:

I heard what you said in the video that came out yesterday,

Insulting the 47% of Americans who no federal income taxes pay.

 

Let’s skip over (for now) about how it’s highly hypocritical

To say what you said while being of class warfare criticial.

 

No, the bigger problem with what you said is actually

That it doesn’t make sense at all, factually.

 

You claim that 47% are all lazy losers,

Handout-seekers, and welfare abusers.

 

But when you include Social Security and Medicare taxes too,

Most of those you look down on pay a higher tax rate than you.

 

And what about the ten years when you reportedly paid zero income tax?

Did that make you one of the moochers you and the Rabid Right attacks?

 

What about people who worked their whole lives and are now retired,

Or those who worked and paid taxes until being by Bain Capital fired?

 

Guess who else is included in that 47 percent?

The troops our country to Afghanistan sent.

 

Their combat pay is from federal income tax exempt.

And those are the people you look on with contempt?

 

And what about returning combat veterans now disabled

Whom you callously as freeloading moochers labeled?

 

Those brave soldiers have already served,

And much better than your disrespect deserved.

 

Whether in share of income or blood, it’s undeniably true

That most of that 47% has contributed far more than you.

 

So who, Mitt, is the real class warfare goader,

And who, Mitt, is the real mooching freeloader?

***

Here’s your theme music, Minnie the Moocher by Cab Calloway, followed by what would become the even more famous 1932 Betty Boop cartoon version (Cab does the moon walk at the beginning; the song is at the 4”20 mark). Read the original lyrics below, along with my alternate version.

 

 

Minnie the Moocher

Mittie the Moocher

Folks, here´s a story about Minnie the Moocher Folks, here´s a story about Mittie the Moocher
She was a red hot hoochie-koocher He was a severe red hoochie-koocher
She was the roughest, toughest frail He worked in government, but didn’t inhale,
but Minnie had a heart as big as a wha-a-le And Mittie had a heart as big as a wha-a-le
   
Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Hodee-hodee-hodee-ho Hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho
   
She messed around with a bloke named Smoky He messed around at a place named Bain
She loved him though he was cokey Before starting his permanent presidential campaign.
He took her down toChinatown He outsourced jobs over toChina
He showed her how to kick the gong around And winks at forcible probes of a woman’s vagina.
   
Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Wooooooh Wooooooh
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho
   
She had a dream that the King of Sweden He had a secret bank account in Sweden
He gave her things that she was needin´ Which gave him tax breaks he was needin´
He built her a house of gold and steel He built himself a house of gold and steel
A diamond car with platinum wheels With a car elevator for his fancy wheels
   
hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hi hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hi
hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-ho hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
scoodley-woo-scoodley-woo-scoodley-woodley-woodley Scoodley-woo-scoodley-woo-scoodley-woodley-woodley
Woo Woo
zit-dit-dit-dit-dittle-but-dut-duttleoo-skit-dit- zit-dit-dit-dit-dittle-but-dut-duttleoo-skit-dit-
skittle-but-dit-zoy skittle-but-dit-zoy
   
he gave her his townhouse and his racing horses He has many houses and his fancy horses
Each meal she ate was a dozen courses His income is all from tax-favored sources.
She had a million dollars worth of nickels and dimes He has 300 million dollars worth of nickels and dimes
she sat around and counted them all a million times he sits around and counts them all a million times
   
Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Hodee-hodee-hodee-ho Hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho
   
Now Min and Smokie, they started jaggin’ Now Mitt and his family, they started jaggin’
They got a free ride in a wagon They went for a ride in their station wagon.
She gave him money to pay her bail They strapped poor Seamus up on top
But he left her flat in the county jail And when the dog got sick, Mitt didn’t even stop.
   
Whoooa, yeaaaah Whoooa, yeaaaah
Hey de he de he he Hey de he de he he
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa
   
Poor Min met old Deacon Lowdown Poor Mitt met with rich Republican donors
He preached to her that she ought to slow down He preached that they ought to again beAmerica’s owners.
But Minnie wiggled her jelly roll Then Mittie mocked the 47 percent
And Deacon Lowdown yelled, “Lord save my soul!” That he said he wouldn’t bother to represent.
   
Hi de hi de hi de hi Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Ho de ho de ho de ho Ho de ho de ho de ho
Skiddley doodley doodly do Skiddley doodley doodly do
Skiddly diddly day Skiddly diddly day
   
They took her where they put the crazies Mitt spent all his time pandering to crazies
Now poor Min’s kicking up those daisies Now poor Mitt’s campaign is kicking up daisies
You’ve heard my story this is her song You’ve heard his story, this is Mitt’s song:
She was just a good gal, but they done her wrong He might be a good guy, but he did everything wrong
   
Hi de hi de hi de hi Hide your tax returns from me.
Skooby de be do Skooby de be do
He de he de he de he He de he de he de he
Whoa, Whoa Whoa Whoa, Whoa Whoa
   
Poor Min, Poor Min, Poor Min. Poor Mitt, Poor Mitt, Poor Mitt.

 

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