Glenn’s Magic Blackboard

March 27th, 2010

Inspired by Beck’s blackboard living in Norquist’s closet (The Washington Examiner 3/25/10).  

“Every Wednesday in Washington, all the conservatives meet to decide what they should be doing in the weeks ahead. This [blackboard] is going to be going to the site of the Wednesday meetings to remind us what we should be doing in the weeks ahead, and it will be put to use there.” – American Conservative Union chairman David Keene to Glenn Beck after Glenn’s CPAC keynote speech

At CPAC, Glenn gave conservatives a priceless donation,

And I don’t just mean his inspiring oration.

Glenn gave them the implement with which he secret truths has explored,

He gave them the tool with which he so many points underscored,

He gave them the device that conservative power has restored:

Glenn Beck gave conservatives his holy blackboard.

But David Keene was not true to his word–

Glenn’s blackboard has been in a closet interred.

That for the conservative cause is tragic

Because Glenn’s blackboard is magic.

If the magic blackboard had been in full use,

Republicans would never have been subject to such abuse

As has been heaped upon them lately

And demoralized them greatly.

With Glenn’s magic blackboard out of action,

Republicans were unable to maintain their obstructive traction.

Because Glenn’s magic blackboard was hidden away,

Chairman Obamao signed the healthcare bill Tuesday!

Oh Magic Beckboard, you have the power to make all things true

Just because they were written on you.

Oh Magic Beckboard, you give your owner control over the extreme right,

Which believes that whatever is written on you must be right.

Why then did those conservatives deposit

Glenn’s magic blackboard in Grover’s closet

Perhaps they sense the evil aura it projects

(Not all conservatives are immune to Glenn Beck’s).

Will conservatives now bring it out again

The Kenyan Fuhrer’s reign of terror to end?

Or will they realize that the Beckboard is evil

And has already caused too much social upheaval.

There’s only one solution

To our democracy’s continued devolution.

The Beckboard must be thrown into the flame.

It must be cast back into the hellfire from which it came.

Only then can our Nation be one again.

(Only then will politics be fun again.)

So please, ACU, hear my appeal:

Destroy the Beckboard, and let our democracy heal.

PS to Glenn’s fellow Foxists and Mr. Limbaugh,

I didn’t mean to leave out you all.

I think all of you are equally at fault

For the recent violent and hateful assault.


Here’s Glenn demonstrating how to use of the Magic Beckboard.

Here’s a Daily Show videoclip that shows the power of the Magic Beckboard. It can even change progressive Jon Stewart into a Beckist.

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