Gay Pets
December 14th, 2009
Inspired by this lively HuffPost comments debate and anti-gay marriage video from Nation for Marriage (read our earlier post about that, and watch the video and Stephen Colbert’s excellent parody of it here). The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington is vehemently opposing DC’s marriage equality law. One of the reasons they give is that they don’t want to be forced to place adopted children with gay parents. Never mind that Catholic Charities only performed six DC-funded adoptions last year and that current law already requires them not to discriminate against same-sex couples: this whole dispute completely overlooks a potentially even more important issue: the threat to America’s pets.
There’s a storm coming,
One that the entire balance of nature upsets.
It’s a crisis facing Our Great Nation.
I’m talking of course about gay pets.
The Catholic Church and others oppose
DC’s marriage equality law,
But the crucial issue of gay pet adoption
Hasn’t received any attention at all.
When I take my dog to the dog park
He always has a great time,
But one thing that he doesn’t like
Is when other dogs try to hump him all the time.
Since homosexuality is a choice
And/or based on environmental factors,
I can only assume that the offending dogs
Were turned gay by their gay masters.
I therefore call on the Congress
And state and local governments throughout the Nation
To make illegal pet adoption by gays
And prevent this burgeoning abomination.
As I’m sure my readers will agree,
Gays adopting pets is as big a threat to our country.
As letting gays adopt an adoptee
Of the human child variety.
Far better that both human and animal adoptees
Continue as institutional internees
(Or, in the pets’ case, be euthanized)
Than that their sexuality be compromised.
What’s the reason for this nefarious gay plot
Which now finally into the light of day has been brought?
They probably want to turn our pets gay
So they can marry them one day.
So join me now in this holy mission
To prevent further pet gayness imposition.
Before the gay agenda to animals extends,
Please help protect our four-legged friends.
PS to straight dog owners:
I know that my dog’s not gay
(When other dogs try to hump him he runs away),
But If your dog’s already been infected
By gayness at him directed,
Have him reprogrammed if you can
(It works just as well with dogs as with a human).
***
If you’re looking for a pet (and you’re straight), please help save America’s pets by adopting one. Check out www.petfinder.com (that’s where we adopted our completely heterosexual dog from). And be sure to sign the petition below.
or, Start a Petition
Tags: Adoption, Animal rights, Catholics, Cats, Choosing gay, Dogs, Gay adoption, Gay rights, My dog, Petitions, Religion, Religion and gays, Wuerl
Posted in
Freedoms, Religion |
10 Comments »
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December 17th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
[...] Gay Pets [...]
January 7th, 2010 at 11:09 pm
Good points, I think I will definitely subscribe! I’ll go and read some more! What do you see the future of this being?
January 17th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
I think that gay adoption is linked to and will follow the same path as same-sex marriage. As same-sex marriage becomes increasingly accepted socially and legally (see http://newsericks.com/tag/marriage-equality for more on that), I think that gay adoption (including all the attendant issues of custody in case of divorce, etc. — see http://newsericks.com/isabella) will increasingly be treated as being no different from straight adoption.
February 15th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Great poem!
We’ve known for quite a while about the existence of gay pets and we encourage them and feel proud about them.
You should all join the fight for equal rights for gay pets by getting a sticker!
http://www.gaypets.net
February 15th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Thanks. My poem is meant mostly as an idirect satire of opposition to gay adoption and the view held in some quarters that gayness can be “caught” like a disease and is not in-born (the existence of homosexuality in animals is itself strong evidence that it is), but I am also fully supportive of providing good homes for actual gay pets. What would also be interesting to research is what the actual percentage of gay pets (e.g., cats and dogs for start) and see if that correlates to the human situation.
April 14th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
[...] Gay Pets Survey [...]
April 14th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
[...] Gay Pets Survey [...]
October 12th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
This is a scientific impossibility! Animals can not catch gayness! You will cause countless homeless pets to be euthanized because of this unfounded and completely ludicrous notion. Animals arent even aware of their own or humans’ sexualities. That is a human emotion that they are not capable of having. Animals procreate on instinct. And a spayed or neutered pet is completely asexual. Dogs ‘humping’ other dogs is about domination. This is a survival instinct – it has nothing to do with sex! You seem to have a fixation with sex. Maybe you have some issues with your own sexual preferences? You do realize that gay bashing is against the law?
October 13th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Actually, the poem and survey are meant as satire, to mock those on the far right who believe these kinds of things and who oppose equal rights (in particular marriage and adoption equality) for gays. Please check out my other posts about gay rights (http://newsericks.com/tag/gay-rights) to see that I am indeed a strong gay rights supporter.
March 6th, 2011 at 3:25 pm
[...] to Marriage, Dear Archbishop Wuerl, DC Archbishop Opposition to Gay Marriage, Render Unto Caesar, Gay Pets, Suffer Little Children, The Blood of Christ (Not) Shed for You, and Sour [...]