March 16th, 2010
A follow-up to my earlier post on man-horse action, inspired by J.D. Hayworth: Gay Marriage Law Could Produce Man-Horse Nuptials (Huffington Post 3/15/10), Hayworth and Horses (Washington Monthly 3/15/10), Monkey Muck: J. D. Hayworth’s Guide to Bestiality (MonkeyMucker 3/16/19), and Rachel Maddow’s deconstruction last night of Hayworth’s claim that the Massachusetts Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality could lead to man-and-horse marriage. Hayworth was a Republican Congressman from Arizona and is now in a horse race of his own against Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) in the Republican primary.
“The gentleman doth protest too much, methink.” – Queen Gertrude in Hamlet (paraphrased)
Dear Mr. Hayworth,
For what it’s worth,
I think you’ll make a better impression
If you drop this horse obsession.
In your discussions with reporters
You often come across like a horse’s hindquarters
(Except on Fox News
Where the reporters share your views).
Your interview with Rachel was no exception;
You made your usual case of lies and deception.
With that smug look on your face you seemed so superior,
But you just come across as a horse’s posterior.
But as Rachel correctly pointed out,
“Establishment of intimacy” wasn’t what the MA decision was about.
Those words don’t even appear in the decision,
Making that a weak foundation for your position.
Even when confronted with your error, you persisted.
“You and I can have a disagreement about that,” you insisted.
“Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion,” like Lincoln said,
“But not to their own facts,” which seems to be your view instead.
As I discussed in an earlier post,
The thing about you view that bothers me most
Is that you don’t understand that the rights of a horse
Are different from those of a human, of course.
Even if one accepted your untrue “facts,”
They wouldn’t provide justification for your attacks.
Marriage isn’t threated by men marrying men or men marrying horses:
Marriage is threatened by people getting divorces.
But what I’d like to know is why you have this equine obsession–
Do you want to make a confession?
What’s the source of your infatuation?
Is there some dark secret behind your accusation?
I’ve noticed this about Republicans before,
But in your case, I notice it even more:
As psychologists say, there’s often an intersection
Between one’s own secret desires and their projection.
I know there are a lot of horses in your home state
(There’s a movie below with which you might be able to relate).
Sex with farm animals is apparently common out West,
But that’s something about which you’d know best.
Does the man-horse marriage for which you seek prevention
Indicate your own secret intention?
Maybe you don’t even realize this consciously,
But for the rest of us, it’s all too plain to see.
So sorry, Sir, but I can’t let this one pass:
You, I’m afraid, are a horse’s ass.
(But pardon that reference—I’m not trying to excite,
Though in your case, I realize it might.)
Here’s Hayworth’s statement during an appearance on radio station WORL on Sunday.
Here’s Mr. Hayworth on Rachel 3/15/10. What’s that called when you say that something is a quote and it’s not in there at all? Oh yeah, it’s called a lie.
Here’s the trailer for the movie, Equus, a very controversial (especially when it came out in 1977), based on the play by Peter Shaffer, performed recently on Broadway starring a naked Daniel Radcliffe (see the video below for a scene from that, and yes, that’s Captain Janeway from Voyager). If you’re into suggestive (but artistic) man-horse action, this is the film for you. (Mr. Hayworth: For less tasteful and more explicit stuff there’s always the internet, but you probably know about that already…)
And here, Mr. Hayworth, is your theme music for today (making a repeat appearance from our earlier horse-related post), the opening credits from the 1960s TV classic, Mr. Ed (check out the DVD in our Amazon store). As series afficionados (of which I’m sure you’re one, Mr. Hayworth), Mr. Ed was a talking horse in a long-term relationship with his owner, Wilbur. While that relationship was (as far as we know) platonic, Wilbur did go to extraordinary lengths to keep it secret from his wife.
And here’s the inspiration for our subtitle, from the excellent series Scrubs.