Does God Swallow?

April 2nd, 2010

Further reflections about Good Friday…

WARNING: If you’re a conservative Christian (or even a liberal one) who is easily offended, you may not want to read this. I don’t mean this poem to be offensive or demeaning to Christianity, but there are many people (possibly even myself if I hadn’t written it) who could justifiably consider it both. If you’re at all religious but are still willing to risk reading this poem, please keep in mind that I’m using the metaphor I use in order to make a point. 

“And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed up the flood which the dragon cast out of his mouth. And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.” – Revelation 12:16-17
“Death is swallowed up in victory.” – First Corinthian 15:54

Sacrificing Her only begotten Son

Is at the top of the list of things God could have done.

But we’ve heard the Easter story so often

That its impact has started to soften.

So I sat down to think of a new parable

(Something more contemporary, but comparable)

As an example of something someone could do,

That would be a supremely selfless gesture, for you.

Something someone could do,

Not because they were forced to.

The best thing you could think of.

Something someone would do only out of love.

Then I had a flash of inspiration

(I won’t mention the source of its stimulation).

An explosion of clarity did follow.

The analogy I was looking for was:

To swallow.

For my female readers, please excuse the crudity

I’m not trying to be X-rated (if I were, I’d add some nudity).

I don’t want to say anything to demean women

(If you doubt that, read my other posts herein).

And for my religious readers, I don’t mean this as sacrilege,

So don’t lump me in with Melissa Etheridge.

Being disrespectful is not my intent–

Analogy helps us better understand God’s commitment.

I’m not trying to be offensive,

So if you’re offended, please forgive.

I’m not trying to be incendiary

(If I were, I’d bring up the Virgin Mary).

I’m not trying to get this blog banned.

But trust me, the guys out there understand.

By focusing on this theme

I’m not just trying to be extreme

(OK, maybe I am, I admit,

But just a little tiny bit).

That’s because the strength of your reaction

Indicates the emotional impact of the aforementioned action.

That means I’ve succeeded

In finding the new analogy that was needed.

Maybe I am trying to be a little bit provocative

(One way to make a point in the world in which we live).

It seems to work for Ann Coulter,

But it’s not my intention here to insult her.

It’s hard for an abstraction

To provoke a strong reaction.

But if you concretize it

You can more easily proselytize it.

That was Jesus’ teaching technique,

By which he made clear many concepts oblique.

Think of all the parables he created.

This is just a way for his method to be updated.

Jesus said to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

In any society, that kind of selfless behavior is a plus.

Though we can never be as selfless as God,

We should follow Her example and swallow that wad.

Of course, I mean this metaphorically,

But for those of you who want to take it literally,

I’m sure your partners won’t mind

(After all, it’s for the good of mankind).

And if you’re wondering why I’m Christian,

The answer is because

If you ask me “Does God swallow?”

I’ll reply “Yes, I think She does.”


I wanted to clarify that I personally don’t think that Melissa Etheridge has ever done anything sacrilegious (certainly nothing that compares to the sarilegeousness of this poem). However, some conservative Christians apparently think so, as suggested by the “you’re all going to hell” reference (I guess it’s the gay thing). I personally am a big fan. After all, Beloved is a great song, and coincidentally, our theme music (not just for the “going to hell” reference, but also because I think it’s general message is consistent with the poem’s). Etheridge also won the 2001 Gibson Guitar Award for best female rock guitarist. Plus, she’s a big environmentalist, and wrote the theme song I Need to Wake Up (it won the Academy Award for Best Original Song) for Al Gore’s (also Academy Award winning) documentary An Inconvenient Truth (check out the book and/or DVD in our Amazon store).


Click here to see what we have in our Amazon store as the promoted product for this poem…

So what do you think? Was this sacrilegious? Too over the top? Please leave a comment and let me know.

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