Buh-Bye (or, Hitting the Slide)

August 11th, 2010

Inspired by JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater arrested after sliding away, Slow clap for JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater (WashingtonPost.com 8/10/10), and Coffee, tea, or flea? Flight attendant’s exit strategy serves a crummy job right (Washington Post 8/11/10), and the videos below. 

“My last day on the job, I was going to slide to freedom. Hit that slide and ride it alllll the way to freedom… He took a stand for not only flight attendants, but everyone. You always hold back. You always bite your tongue. You never actually say it. But he said it. He said it.” – Fellow flight attendant Bob Laurie

When dealing with yet another self-centered bore,

Sometimes you just can’t take it anymore.

That’s what happened to JetBlue’s Steven Slater,

Whose response has made him the Great Vindicator.

We’ve all had situations like Slater’s, though not as dramatic,

And maybe not with a response so aerobatic.

(Our true feelings behind a fake smile hid,

How often we wish we could do what he did.

But given high unemployment and the economy,

We’re forced to experience the thrill vicariously.)

A passenger dropped a bag on Slater’s head.

When asked to apologize, she cursed him out instead.

Usually, flight attendants in such situations just swallow their pride,

But Slater denounced her on the intercom and hit the emergency slide.

(I like that he grabbed a few beers while making his escape–

Too bad no one caught it on videotape).

In defense of frequent flyers (and I must disclose,

That I also happen to be one of those),

Flight attendants can sometimes be a little imperious,

And react in ways that are deleterious.

But given the jokers they have to deal with so often,

I’m surprised this kind of thing doesn’t happen more often.

Usually, flight attendants are models of restraint,

Especially since they deal with near-constant passenger complaint.

Slater’s in trouble with the law because he illegally deployed the slide and jumped

(Better than the first class passenger who on the refreshment cart dumped).

He went straight home after saying his final buh-bye,

Where police storming his house found him in flagrante delicti.

It’s for that that he earned Stephen Colbert’s Alpha Dog of the Week,

Which as is regular viewers know isn’t awarded to the meek.

The latter will inherit the earth, the Bible relates,

But never be heroes to someone who his/her job hates.

So let this be a warning to the next passenger who a flight attendant would harass:

Watch out–he/she might go Steven Slater on your ass.


Here’s Countdown’s 8/10/10 “JetBlew” report.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here’s Stephen Colbert’s 8/10/10 “Alpha Dog” report.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Alpha Dog of the Week – Steven Slater
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Here’s Slater immediately following his release from jail.

What flight attendant related post would be complete without this 1994 Saturday Night Live classic.

And here’s your theme music for today, Take this Job and Shove It by Johnny Paycheck.

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