Better to Give (Up) than to Receipt

August 14th, 2010

A follow-up to our earlier pieces Gender Blender and Old Spice Man, inspired by Disputed chemical detected in receipts (Washington Post 7/27/10), Food safety bill’s ban on BPA resisted (Washington Post 4/26/10), Bisphenol A ban left out of Senate food safety compromise (The Hill 8/12/10), and Sen. Feinstein Vows Senate Vote on BPA Measure ( 8/13/10).

BPA was developed in 1891 found in the thirties to mimic estrogen.

Who could have guessed it would have a negative effect on children and men?

Moms who like to save money – well now you will,

By not having to buy your kids a daily estrogen pill.

And lest you think that for women it might be an enhancer,

BPA has also been shown to cause cancer.

BPA’s a Persistent Organic Pollutant, or POP,

Which means that its effects don’t diminish or stop.

It just keeps on accumulating in our bodies and the environment,

Creating an ever-higher BPA content.

It’s also what’s called an endocrine disruptor

Which makes it a reproductive system corruptor.

It’s used in plastic bottles, CDs, dental sealants, and more,

But I never knew it was used on receipts before.

A study found that Safeway receipts have the highest concentration.

Who’d have thought grocery shopping would lead to reproductive aberration?

(Although one might have suspected that something’s amiss

After BPA was found in 93% of Americans’ piss.)

The receipt’s not dangerous, just don’t let it touch you,

Or rub against your food or reusable bag, whatever you do.

“Better living through chemistry,” they’ve told us for years,

Until one of those chemicals with your reproductive system interferes.

So the next time you filling up your gas tanks,

When the machine asks “Receipt?” just press “No thanks.”

And guys: if you’re at the drug store, that certain prescription to refill,

Don’t touch the receipt, or you’ll negate the effect of your little blue pill.

(That’s because BPA decreases sperm count

By a potentially significant amount.)

Then again, absorbing BPA could have side benefits

If it lets men grow our own female bits.

They’d be ours to enjoy whenever we wanted,

As long as our sex drives weren’t too adversely stunted.

(Personally, I prefer to reduce my BPA ppm

And stay the way I currently am.)

Given everything we know about BPA,

It’s too bad Senate negotiators left it out of their food safety bill Thursday.

BPA opponent Feinstein on its ban insisted,

But the Chamber of Commerce and their GOP lackeys resisted.

(Plastics manufacturers didn’t want, BPA to give up,

So Dem netotiators were forced to give up.)

But Feinstin vows to bring an amendment to the Senate floor.

(With 93% of Americans peeing BPA, we sure don’t need more.)

Lets hope that Senator Feinstein succeeds,

Because more BPA in our bodies is not what America needs.

In the meantime, you can try to implement your own personal ban

(There’s so much BPA, you just have to do the best you can).

Don’t eat or cook on plastic and minimize taking receipts,

And vote in November for Dems to get more seats.

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