March 2nd, 2012
Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apparent campaign theme that he would have done everything better than Obama.
“The president tells us that without his intervention things in Detroitwould be worse. I believe that without his intervention things there would be better.” –Mitt Romney
“I believe it could have been better –much better–under different leadership and different policies. It could have been better if President Obama had not dug the nation $4 trillion deeper in debt… It could have been better if President Obama had embraced pro-growth reform of our outdated, inefficient tax code, rather than insisting on higher taxes on job creators at every turn. It could have been better if President Obama had not increased the costly regulatory burden on American employers, which has held back job growth in Ohioand across the country… It could have been better if President Obama had not slowed or halted responsible American energy production.” – Romney website
To: President Obama
From: Mitt Romney (paraphrased)
Sure, you saved the auto industry,
But I would have saved it better.
Sure, you killed Bin Laden,
But I would have killed him deader.
Sure, you lowered taxes,
But I would have lowered them more.
Sure, you created jobs,
But I would have created them before.
Sure, you helped the economy recover,
But I would have made it recover stronger.
Sure, you stopped the Iraq War,
But I would have made it last longer.
(Okay, so maybe that last one
Isn’t as much of a plus for voters,
But it is to the GOP base,
And to my financial promoters.)
Every bad thing that happened
Was all because of you,
And the good things you did,
I would have done too.
And if you get a second term,
You’ll get worse and worse,
Whereas with President Romney
It’ll be the reverse.
I’ll get better and better
And I’ll do everything right.
With you, our future’s bleak.
With me, it’ll be bright.
And America never again
Iran won’t get a nuke
If the President’s me,
But if you’re reelected they will,
And that I guarantee.
This case for my election
May seem a little thin,
But if you don’t overthink it,
Doesn’t it make sense for me to win?
In America we’re all about
Which is why I must be President,
And you must be removed.
And if America doesn’t like me,
I’ll keep on changing until they do.
That’s why America should elect me:
I can do anything better than you.